Do you find yourself flipping between two opposing behavior patterns? Are you aggressively out there pushing for what you want? Then do you get angry when what you want does not happen? How many times do you push and push looking for an opening to get your way? Do you get nasty and finally blow up at the other person when all your antics produce no results? By antics, I mean, manipulative behaviors such as seductiveness, cajoling, pleading, pleasing, bribing, etc. Or, do you retreat into yourself feeling like whatever you do or say makes no difference so why bother? You become either introverted or isolated because it appears to you that being alone is your only option.
These opposing behavior patterns are two sides of the same coin. They are both in reaction to your experience that you make no difference. In one way you are loud and aggressive and are pushing to be heard. But this doesnÕt work. In another way, you are so exhausted from all the anger and aggressiveness that you just lay down. You decide to do nothing because nothing will work anyway.
This pattern leads to deep resignation and more of the same. The pattern is self-reinforcing. You always get to be right about not getting your way. ÒSee how hard I have tried and how hard it has been for me and still no one listens.Ó Or, ÒNo one listens anyway so why should I bother speaking at all?ÕÕ Both are justifications of this same behavior pattern.
Does this sound like your life? If so, maybe you are in reaction to not knowing who you are as a being outside of dysfunctional patterns.
You are a being of pure love and light. You are a physical manifestation of Spirit, of your higher connection. But most of you think of yourselves as your personality. You have developed many personas as you have grown up, in order to cope with lifeÕs circumstances. Some of you may have come from abusive homes where you never felt love or saw love demonstrated. Some of you came from very critical parents who were never pleased with what you accomplished. They drove you harder and harder telling you, in various words and behaviors, that you werenÕt good enough. Many of you were not touched enough. Whatever the actual scenario was doesnÕt exactly matter. What matters is the end result that was not feeling loved and received. This translates into your not knowing you are SpiritÕs child full of love. So, you developed coping mechanisms, which I refer to as personas, in order to get your needs met and to stay out of harmÕs way if possible.
In the past, these coping personalities were somewhat effective. Used today they cost you your aliveness and freedom. When you are stuck in a pattern, all you have to choose from is either one extreme or another of this same pattern. There is no freedom to choose something that would actually accomplish your heartÕs desire. The cost then becomes your true effectiveness and happiness in life. Your pattern is running your show and your heartÕs desire stays unexpressed.
The mere recognition of these patterns as patterns, not as who you actually are, provides an opening. This opening is an access to a larger inquiry about the true nature of you. We call this inquiry spirituality or looking within for your higher connection. It is a never-ending process of un-identifying with who you are not, or these false personas, in order to discover who you are. Identifying your patterns is one doorway into your spiritual journey. This road, when taken, allows you to find true freedom and love. You do not have to be a slave to those old patterns you learned a long time ago. When the true cost of these patterns becomes apparent and intolerable enough, thatÕs when you are motivated to search for your spiritual teacher and begin the journey.