It was the moment I had been waiting for; everything was perfect. I was complete and happy, in bed, reading a good novel, sipping raspberry Stoli with fresh raspberries floating delicately in it. I didnÕt feel the need for a man, more money or anything else to make me feel better. In that moment I was happy and satisfied just as I was.
Then before I could reach for my pen and paper the moment had passed. That moment of perfection was gone, like sand slipping through my fingers. I could not hold onto any part of it. All of it was lost.
Why are these moments so illusory? Why do they pass so quickly? Why canÕt we hold onto a little bit of perfection and wholeness when we get it?
I began to wonder if our culture creates and supports feelings of dissatisfaction and of not having enough. Madison Avenue and advertising in general certainly fosters the feelings of emptiness. Our culture reinforces the constant need for something outside of us to fill the emptiness. People respond by buying cars, bigger homes, various adult toys, boats, the latest electronics, etc. in an attempt to fill the empty feelings.
There may be a moment of satisfaction, but then the emptiness returns. Advertisers again take advantage of this cycle of perceived lack and tell us to buy more, better or different products to fulfill our lives and ourselves. When that doesnÕt work the cycle repeats again and again.
In this way the culture keeps us blind to what is truly in front of us. We are not taught to acknowledge the abundance in our lives or to appreciate what we do have. Instead the focus is on what is missing, even if nothing truly is missing.
The cultural illusion of not having enough results in mass confusion with nothing seeming fair or sane in this environment. We lose sight of what is real and what is an illusion, so we cannot seem to find a true footing for our lives.
In years long gone by there appeared to be more clarity in our culture. We seemed to know what we wanted and we pursued it. Life was far more difficult yet our basic needs were simple. People lived closer to their families, formed a community, and primarily were focused on their survival needs.
Now people live more separate lives and advertising dominates our culture. Our lives are based on external criteria as defined by other people. Not only are we not sure what we want, we are unsure of who we are! Our personality structure cracks and falls apart as if it had a life of its own. Our wants and needs are dictated by outer cultural illusions rather than our inner connection to ourselves.
If it is all an illusion, then what is real? Maybe I have not had enough raspberry Stoli to clarify the question yet. Maybe if I sleep a little and ask for some higher intervention, then it will become clearer to me. Yes, thatÕs probably it since it has all been somewhat of a disconnected haze these days for me. In fact, I feel once removed from my life, like an actor watching herself on film. It feels as though ownership of my life is just beyond my grasp and control of anything is a faded memory.
I wonder how many people feel this way about their lives. How many people feel alone, disconnected, once removed and powerless to access the true purpose for their life? How many people feel like they once thought they had some control over their life only to discover that they have none? Am I alone with my questions or are there others out there like me? How did we become this fractured as a group?
At night I pray this prayer. Thank you God, Goddess, All that is for all you have brought to me today. Thank you for my health, my abundance, the roof over my head, the food on my table, a car to take me around, and for much, much more. Let me not take these good things for granted. Thank you for all your love and support and constant companionship, even when I cannot experience it as being there. I ask and I pray for the inner guidance that comes only from my connection to you. Please higher spirit, show me the way through and show me how to keep my heart open. I know that love and openheartedness is a good start to creating a better world for all of us.
I pray to experience the inner connectedness that I know is true. I also pray for an authentic sense of community to emerge. What happened to us? How did we end up living in separate boxes yearning for togetherness and for a sense of community? How did the tribe fall apart? Where did the sense of common good go? When did we stop listening to our true inner selves and start listening to some outer false cultural conversation of lack and of emptiness?
Tonight I go to sleep with so many unanswered questions. I ask that my higher spirit show me the way. I ask for the bigger picture to be revealed to me so that my inner experience might make some sense of it all. I ask that my life be used to make a difference for the common good. I pray this because I want my children to live in a world that is more whole and connected than the one I currently inhabit.