Lisheyna Hurvitz

Lisheyna HurvitzAs a licensed psychotherapist, Lisheyna has created a Lifestyle format that is extremely effective in helping people grow and change. As a Lifestyle Consultant, she utilizes a unique blend of emotional, psychological and spiritual approaches which enable her to produce practical results.

In her consultations and groups, she helps people address personal and societal pressures, including the pressure to be perfect. As a gifted empath, she is able to empathize with her client’s feelings, quickly getting to the heart of the matter, thereby producing rapid results.

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Redefining the Transitional Process as it Relates to Divorce PDF Print E-mail

 

Often the divorce process is referred to as a difficult transitional time in our lives. It certainly does cerate a sudden and abrupt change in our perspective. This process brings up what constitutes change.

Many people think that divorce is a temporary time period between the static point in life that they just came from, and the other static point in life that they will be living in after they make it through the Ôupset of the divorce episodeÕ. Maybe it would be useful, when looking at the divorce process, to speak in terms of what skills are needed during those moments in time. When life is flowing along its usual daily path, we are automatically using a certain set of skills and tools that we are quite familiar with. When this regular flow is interrupted, when it is no longer business as usual, we are forced to become more alert or conscious, go into our tool box of life skills and use tools that are totally new to us, or at least somewhat unfamiliar. This state of alertness combined with unfamiliar territory and the use of new tools creates the illusion of a Ôtransitional periodÕ. While we are separating and divorcing we are awakened from our usual state of Ôsemi-sleepÕ of Ôsemi-sleepÕ in life.

We live in the illusion that life is fixed, static and stable. We label that as good, comfortable, normal and Ôthe way it should beÕ, when I actuality we live in one long transitional period - a constant state of flux and change. The series of events that start at birth proceed to many moments of ÔnowÕ and end in death is what we call life. Yet we label change as uncomfortable, foreign, filled with uncertainty and something to avoid at all costs. Implicit in that is the assumption that if you are handling your life correctly, change and discomfort can be avoided if not totally eliminated. This is the fundamental misconception of transitional periods. We really wouldnÕt have this concept at all if we lived in the reality of ÔnowÕ because there is nothing other than moment-by-moment living. But we, as a culture, live in the ÔillusionÕ that life is fixed and therefore we need special skills to get through Ôtransitional timesÕ. We even define Ôtransitional timesÕ as those nasty rough spots that we have to endure in order to get from one fixed spot to another.

Illusion vs. reality

Once we, as counselors, make the distinction between illusion (no change) and reality (a constant state of flux), we can build in many different directions. The acquisition of new skills becomes an opportunity in the learning process of the lives of our clients. It recontextualized divorce and new awareness as a part of the life journey instead of this Ôhorrible and terrible happeningÕ. It is useful to know that when we refer to the transitional process of divorce, we are basing our conversation on the illusion of Ôstatic and fixedÕ.

We could say now that all of life is one long transition. Divorce then, is just a short segment in this long life transition when specific different skills and an increase in awareness are extremely helpful. Traversing this path is only more painful and horrible if we label it that way. It is merely very different and an abrupt change from Ôbusiness as usualÕ. This does not negate our clientsÕ experience of pain, turmoil and upset. It reframes it in a more useful way that facilitates learning new life skills, especially in the counseling process.